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Thor’s Day Forecast: Reverse Selfies with a Possibility of Exploding Heads

Oh hai. Happy Thor’s day.

Mom says it’s supposed to storm today, but so far it’s been pretty chill.

Lion Cub Napping

Lion Cub Napping

Earlier this week mom learned how to take reverse selfies on her phone.

I helped.

meandmom2

And today mom says she had to undergo rigorous technical training that dealt with strings of numbers and code and new software and multiple file paths and foreign file-naming conventions. She thought her head was going to explode, but she got through it OK.

matrix-code-emulator-8

Afterward, one of the technical writers that mom helped train last year called her up to see how the training went. Mom said she was pretty much lost and wasn’t sure if she could log in to the secure server yet. The writer walked her through the login process over the phone and even helped her install some software, so she could access the database. Tomorrow, they’re going to do the first project over the phone together.

Mom says she’s super grateful to have an aerospace angel, because everything was still feeling pretty abstract for her. Mom says she likes contemplating abstract ideas and images, but when it pertains to airplanes and flight safety, she’d rather have a more concrete grasp of the project and how to navigate all the files and fields and whoozits.

She still doesn’t know what all the code means, but if she at least knows what to check, your plane should be safe next time you board.

Probably.

Mom’s still in training. She has another session tomorrow morning to learn a different kind of aerospace project.

So you may want to take a bus for the next few weeks until mom’s able to wrap her head around it all.

birthday-pilotcat (1)

Just sayin’.

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For You, a Little Merriment

Oh, hai.

I hope you are having a good post-Caturday.

Mom and I are doing well. I made this for ya’ll today.

Frog Catching Fly

Frog Catching Fly

And Mom made her coconut shrimp bisque. I I thought I wanted some, but it turns out, I just like the way shrimp smells when it’s sauteed in coconut oil and garlic. So mom gave me more pate, and I made this.

Bear Juggling

Bear Juggling

Mom said she would share her recipe with ya’ll, because she says everyone should eat this good.

I was so excited, I even helped her type.

Mom’s Coconut Shrimp Bisque 

8 ounces of wild caught salad shrimp
4 tablespoons of coconut oil
1 can of fire-roasted tomatoes, diced
1 celery stalk
1 red onion, diced
1/2 bulb garlic, diced
1 can coconut cream, unsweetened
1 cup unsweetened coconut milk
Ground Himalyan sea salt, to taste (mom puts in close to a tablespoon; she doesn’t really measure; she just pours some in her palm, so she can toss it in for dramatic effect)
1 cup cilantro, chopped

Sautee shrimp in coconut oil for a few minutes. Add onion and garlic. Play music. Sing. Dance. Make merry.
Add remaining veggies, except for cilantro. Stir. Dance. Make more merry.
Add coconut cream and milk. Rinse cilantro, chop, toss cilantro, salt, and random well wishes into pot before starting conga line.
Put lid on soup pot. Simmer for half an hour.
Continue with merry making. Mom says midnight margaritas go well with the bisque. In case you need the recipe…

As you probably gathered, mom likes to listen to music when she cooks. We recommend Belafonte…

…and Nilsson.

Enjoy while hot. Serves four.

Feel free to garnish with parsley, cilantro, or sunshine.

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A good note

Oh hai. I hope you’re having a good week.

Mom and auntie tried to trick me into letting them cut more matted fur from my neck today, but I wasn’t having it. Mom’s been brushing my neck extra good this week, and she says the fur’s been loosening, but I’m not convinced it’s ready yet.

Meh

So, I’ll just hang out here until mom forgets I need a haircut.

Speaking of epic fails, mom said they recently put keypad locks on the bathroom doors at work. She says it’s annoying, because you don’t need to lock the exterior door to a bathroom if the individual stalls lock. She says they’re on the fifth floor, and it’s a decent neighborhood, so she decided to disable the lock from the inside. Now no one has to use the silly keypad, and if homeless people need to pee, they can, too. Mom says for a few days the office manger kept trying to lock it back, but eventually she gave up, because she realized it was futile, since mom drinks way more water than she does.

cat-burglar

Mom says boundaries are good. For example, it’s good to lock the door to your stall in a public restroom. There are some things we just don’t need to see. But locking the door to the restroom entrance is overkill, we think. We also think giving a reader a deadline of three weeks to read five to ten pages, so they can vote on a literary submission is also fine. But that maybe mom’s reminder emails, regardless of how nicely and neutrally written, to the volunteers who were slacking on their assignments for a start-up publisher she’s helping out, may have been overkill, too, because nearly everyone quit this week, after realizing they were three month’s late with their first assignment and hadn’t bothered to reply to the other two emails mom had sent, gently asking when they would be able to complete their assignments.

This next item is so shameful, it warrants a separate line.

Mom had to tell the assistant publisher that his mom quit today. I don’t know if you’ve ever had to tell someone that their mom quit before. In case you haven’t, it pretty much sucks.

Grumpy-Cat-on-American-Idol

So just to recap: No one cut my hair today. Keypad locks on bathrooms with locked stalls are lame. And losing most of your volunteer staff in the same week is not only strange, it’s downright embarrassing.

We tried to find something in the artmycatmakes archives to end this post with, but nothing really fit.

Cat Playing Ukulele atop Giant Goldfish

So we’re going to end on a good note, because sometimes that’s all you can do.

Onward and upward, ya’ll.

PS: If you’re one of the remaining readers that still works for mom, please don’t quit. We need you. We promise not to send any more reminder emails, even though we were transparent about deadlines from the beginning and think that a few weeks is ample time to know if you like a book or not. If you fail to complete your assignments on time, we’ll just get new readers. That way no one feels bad, and progress can still be made.

 

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An Eventful Week

Oh hai, and happy post-Caturday to you.

I’m out on the catio chillaxing, so mom’s driving today.

chillaxinonthecatio

Not to worry. Mom’s checking in on me, to make sure she gets all the details right.

The reason I’m needing extra catio time today is because I had an eventful Caturday and week in general.

It all started when Mom and auntie removed a big clump of matted fur that was hiding under my collar with some of auntie’s blunt sewing scissors on Wednesday.

Mom kept telling auntie, while she was trying to cut the fur that was clinging desperately to my throat, “Oh my God. Do you feel that? It’s all tangled up here, right on his throat. Oh, I hope I don’t hurt him.”

In case you’re wondering, this didn’t help matters. At all.

Toddler-tantrum

Eventually, auntie took over. She’s more experienced with sewing scissors and had a better angle, so no one got hurt.

They got most of it and decided my vet should just shave the nubs that mom and auntie left.

Mom upgraded my brush collection yesterday on Amazon, and is letting me run around without my collar until she gets this whole grooming situation figured out.

This is what we currently use.

brushes

And this is what we’re getting, based on Mama J’s recommends, so mom can prevent scaring the bejeezus out of me in the future.

safari combundercoat rake

Mom also washed all my binkies, so I was without binky for several hours on Caturday, which was rough, to say the least.

leopard throw

Even the Sad Face Didn’t Work

And then there’s the issue of the baby kitty grass, not quite juicy enough to eat. Mom grows it for me every six weeks or so. I have to do without my stash for an entire week while waiting for the new crop to come in. In case you’re wondering, it’s super hard whenever that happens.

inferior kitty grass

I want to eat this, but it’s not ready yet, so all I can do is stare at it until it fills out some more.

We also had to do dishes on Friday. I helped mom put them away yesterday.

dishes

And mom’s been getting fake Presidential alerts from her friend Matt, who’s giving her a hard time about Friday’s post, because he’s impish like that. It could also be because he kinda has a free pass, since he’s the one who taught her how to put her phone on silent in the first place and, recently, how to bypass Presidential alerts and still be assured your alarm will go off the next morning.

ninjakitty

Mom and Matt said I could share their early morning satire fest with you.

Matt (4 a.m.): My fellow Americans, this is an emergency text from President Obama, reminding you that J.D. is super adorable.

Me (4:02 a.m.): Mr. President, thank you for noticing my cat’s adorableness. In the future, however, please adhere to the 10 to 10 rule. I was up this time, so I’ll let this infraction slide. PS: Stop taking selfies when you’re out with Michelle. That’s almost as bad as controlling the alert settings in my phone.

Matt (7:02 a.m.): Ms. Ceres, as President, you know these messages are sent only to alert the public of things of national importance, like your cat’s adorableness and reminding you of the latest buzzword. Shamzazzle! PS: As First Lady, Michelle is expected to make for certain allowances in the public eye.

Me (7:03 a.m.): Mr. President, this is a blatant abuse of power and disregard for your wife’s well-being. If you were allowed a third term, I would vote for the opposing candidate out of spite.

Matt (9:12 a.m.): Ms. Ceres, there’s no need to resort to insults. Let’s keep it clean.

Me (9:13 a.m.): Mr. President, Get over yourself.

As you can see, with all this going on, I barely had time to make anything for you this morning, but I did manage this.

BabyRhinoLosesPartyHatWhileChasingPoacher

Baby Rhino Loses Party Hat while Chasing Poacher

In closing, mom says the 10 to 10 rule doesn’t really affect her, so you needn’t send her fake Presidential alerts at all hours, because she silences her phone at night and knows how to bypass the Presidential alerts now, fake or otherwise.

You’re welcome.

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Calling all Ninjas

Oh, hai.

In case you’re wondering, I’m out from hiding, because the storms have passed for now.

We had some big thunder last night. And heaps of rain.

Mom had to turn the alerts off her phone, because they kept waking her up, even with her phone on silent.

Here’s what they sound like, in case your phone doesn’t have them.

We had a flash flood warning in our area until 4:45 this morning. Mom says if there’s something going on while she’s sleeping that affects the road conditions, it can wait until she wakes up.

Breakfast-at-Tiffanys-Audrey-Hepburn-DVD-Review-528-500x281

The only text alert she couldn’t turn off was the presidential one. Mom says the president better not wake her while she has this phone, or they’ll have some words.

US-President-Barack-Obama-receiving-bad-news-in-the-Oval-Office

What the President Will Look Like the Morning after He Text Alerts Mom in the Middle of the Night

Mom says basic etiquette dictates that you should not call or text after 10 p.m. or before 10 a.m., even if your hair is on fire and you need one of us to put it out. In case you haven’t gathered, we take our sleep very seriously around here.

superchill

What I Look Like When Mom Plays Yoga Music on Pandora

Earlier this week, mom got her ninja black belt in Confluence, which is a team collaboration software that’s sort of like blogging but with more features. She says she’s not really a wiki master or a ninja. It was just some cool title they bestowed to get folks interested in learning the new software.

confluence logo

Mom says it only took her 4 hours to get her Confluence black belt on Tuesday. Dressing like a ninja is optional, but if you’re interested, you can go here to learn how:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Ninja-Outfit

Rumor has it someone at work told mom that the plural of ninjas is actually ninja and that real ninjas don’t wear belts. This person probably also prefers to use the traditional haiku for plural. Whereas, mom rocks the alternative usage on both counts and has every intention of wearing her black belt to the next Confluence training session. In case the grammar and fashion police are reading this, mom Googled ninjas and black belts and haikus, and all are perfectly acceptable. Hooray!

Ninjas and black belts aside, I’ve been pretty lucky this week, because mom’s been home with me these past few days, and I’ve been getting extra treats. She hasn’t been feeling well, so I made this to help.

wizard cat throws fireball

Wizard Cat Throwing Fireball to Destroy Evil Cold Germs

And this, because it’s cool.

jackalope

Kangaroo Jumping to Moon

Mom says she appreciates my work and that we’re supposed to get more storms this weekend. If I can come out of hiding long enough to post something on Caturday, I will.

Well, that’s it for storms and black belts and phone etiquette, peeps. Hope you have a happy Friday. And remember, obey the 10 to 10 rule. It’s real, ya’ll.

 

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Flash! Boom! Grrr!

Oh, hai. In case you’re wondering, I’m in the linen closet again.

myhidingspace

It thundered really loud when mom was outside taking a pic of this droopy plant that she brought home from work.

droopyplant

She says it’s because the workplace is toxic that the plant got sick. One of the engineers told her it probably just didn’t get enough sunlight, since her team moved away from the windows. Either way, even mom got spooked when she was getting ready to come back inside. She saw the lightning flash in her periphery, and then the thunder roared like this.

OK, maybe it was more like this.

Either way, it was super scary, and I took sanctuary in my beloved linen closet while mom noticed her phone was flickering with the thunder.

I think the storm may have passed, but I’m laying low for awhile, in case it comes back. They’re forecasting storms most of the week, so I thought I’d make this.

FranceExploding

France Exploding

And this:

threeteddybearheadshurtlingthroughspace

Three Teddy Bear Heads Hurtling through Space

I made these right before the storm hit. I was trying to warn mom not to go outside, but she was determined to get a droopy plant pic for ya’ll.

Like mom, my cousin Molly’s pretty fearless when it comes to storms. She’ll either peek out the window until it gets really loud.

mollypeekin

Or chillax and watch Netflix with her uncle.

molllychillin

Well, I should probably let mom and Molly get to their Netflix. If it’s not too loud tomorrow, I’ll be back online.

Be safe peeps.

 

 

 

 

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For You, a Little Yoga

Oh, hai.

I know we posted something this morning, but that’s because we needed to catch up and recap the weekend.

Mom says today was a yoga day. Just like this weekend, there were lots of opportunities that surfaced for her to take her yoga off the mat.*

But she says she was too sleepy to appreciate them, so the universe started throwing hints at her, like making the picture of an electrostatic chuck wafer in a web course she was editing look more like this mandala.

This in not an e-wafer. It's an actual mandala, but mom says this one's close to what was in her web doc.

And later in the day she got an email from one of the aerospace writers. He updated his e-signature, and the initials he used for Office and Mobile were in boldface lettering, spelling out OM. Mom thought that was pretty cool and decided to start paying attention.

So now she’s listening to this on YouTube to clear the road dust:

And she’s planning to do some yoga a little later today, so she can turn upside down and make things right.

In support of mom’s quest for enlightenment, I made this.

Sleepwalking Bear

Sleepwalking Bear

OK, I know it’s a stretch, but we think bears are cool.

I think I’ll help mom with her practice today and hold space for her at the front of the mat.

Yoga Cat

Yoga Cat

*Mom says she realizes every day is an opportunity for us to take our practice off the mat. But sometimes we don’t do so well, which is why we return to the mat, humbled and willing to try again.

Many Oms to you on this double-post Monday…