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How to Get Fed in 10 Easy Steps

Oh, hai. I hope you’ve been having a good weekend.

Mine’s been great. In fact, little c™ and I trained mom to feed us by vibing her with thoughts of starvation and despair.

As you know, established feeding schedules are sacred, and we at Art My Cat Makes respect your right to be fed on time.

In case your mom decides to sleep in next Caturday or the Caturday after that, try this fail-safe method.

1. Set your intention.

She should have fed us like an hour ago.

She should have fed us like an hour ago.

2. In a language she will understand.

If you don't feed me soon, I'll be forced to initiate Operation Formula 1, using on your head.

If you don’t feed us soon, we’ll pretty much trash the place.

Totes.

Totes.

3. Call in reinforcements.

Yo, c™.

4. Plead your case.

The rest of the world is up.

The rest of the world is up.

5. Close in.

Does it make you nervous when I jeer?

6. Lay on the guilt.

If you don't feed us soon, our organs will start feeding on themselves.

Poor c™. He can barely hold his head up on account of his hunger.

7. Point to the noms.

While we're still young.

8. Give thanks.

i love you noms.

i love you noms.

9. Make something cute with your food, so your mom won’t think you’re evil.

Monchichi

Monchichi

9b. Test new waters.

(An optional add-on, if you forget to make something cute with your food.)

(An optional diversion, in case you forget to make something cute with your food.)

And if your mom fails to adhere to your schedule in the future,

10. Begin anew.

You're welcome.

You’re welcome.

 

 

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Guilty Pleasures, Writing Prompts, and 8 Hours of Delta Sleep: They’re Probably Connected. We’re Just Not Sure.

Oh, hai.

Remember us?

Remember us?

Many thanks to our cousin Molly for guest blogging yesterday.

Because of her efforts, we were able to fit in some extra Snuggle Fest 2014 practice.

I think we have a good shot this year.

I think we have a really good shot this year.

While my cousin was guest blogging, I made this.

Lazy Bear Peeks from Cave

Lazy Bear Peeks from Cave

And little c™ kept mom’s stylebook company.

styleguidekitty

I have a feeling Molly will be back soon. She and her mom are making lots of quilts for Christmas, and knowing my cousin, she’s going to want to share.

Totes.

Totes.

I hope you’ve been having a good Caturday.

Ours was cool, until it started storming. Then we hid in here while mom worked.

Ours was pretty cool, until it started storming. Then we hid in here until we heard mom open up a can of wet food.

While we were in the linen closet, mom read us today’s writing prompt. It says, “Whether it’s a trashy TV show, extra-pulpy fiction, or nutrient-free candy, write a thank-you note to your guiltiest guilty pleasure.”

Dear napping while mom’s working,
Thank you for being our standby activity.
You completely rock.
Sincerely,
J.D. and c™

Sincerely,  J.D. and c™

PS: Mom had to finish this post, because we fell asleep while she was working.

You’re welcome.

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Cat and Mouse

Oh, hai. Have you been having a good Caturday? Little c™ and I were chillin’ this morning, you know, in the usual Caturday position.

Kickin' it with Little C

Kickin’ it with c™

So mom suggested we play cat and mouse to avoid too much Formula 1 tonight.

Little c™ took the lead and began to frolic with his new friend.

jumpie

My Mousie

My Precious

He even tried hiding from the mouse.

hiding

Which made me want to get in on the action.

Stalker Cat

Stalker Cat

Little c ™ thought I was on to something and followed me to the window with his mouse. He was about to pounce when…

Wait? Should I hide first?

Wait? Was that a bird?

…he got distracted.

So I grabbed the mouse from him and ran. But soon Little c™ turned into a flying cat. I didn’t know he had this super power.

Flying Cat

Pretty cool, right?

And that’s how we spent our Caturday morning. Afterward, I asked mom about today’s writing prompt. It reads, “A restaurant that removed your favorite item from the menu, a bad cover of a great song… Write a post about something that should’ve been left untouched, but wasn’t. Why was the original better?”

I wish Stefan and Elena hadn’t broken up on The Vampire Diaries. Mom tells me they did that to increase the show’s dramatic tension for another season, but I think they’ll probably get back together, because Damon as a noble vampire just doesn’t quite work.

Vampire Diaries with Mom

I don’t think c™ cares if Stefan and Elena get back together. Last night he fell asleep when Elena found out she was infected with the werewolf/vampire killer virus. I know this, because he was snoring while Elena was crying on the phone with Damon.

Well, mom says I need to sign off. She let me borrow her computer to blog, but she has to get back to work now.

‘Til next time peeps.

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Mutant spider dog

Oh, hai. Hope your post-Caturday is going well.

Mom and I are enjoying the cooler weather after last night’s rain.

We also wanted to share this mutant spider video with you that mom saw on Facebook yesterday.

Mom says it’s her favorite film, currently.

We hope you like it, too.

Mom’s going to a football party later today.

Her favorite team is playing. (Go Niners!)

And I made a mutant camel for you to complement the video.

2-headed camel

You’re welcome.

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A Week in Review: Cat Naps, Stilletos, Tough Guy Cinema, and a Little Peace

Oh, hai. I hope you’re having a good Caturday.

Mine’s been great.

I’ve been napping most of the day. Also had some time on the catio with mom.

researchsuccess

And I made this, because I was feeling whimsical.

Seal Balancing Ball

Seal Balancing Pet Goldfish on Nose while Alien Jellyfish Flies by

In case you were wondering, this Caturday was way better than last Caturday when mom took me to the vet.

I went for my senior wellness checkup last week, and I got poked and prodded by strangers. Mom held me, because I was scared, and we had to wait almost 2 hours, because they were super busy that day. When it was over, they said all my labwork was good, so mom and I were happy about that. I even got this rabies vaccination tag in the shape of my home state. Dr. Neely said I was an exemplary patient. And you know what else? Because I was such a good boy, and we were so patient with everyone, she gave us a discount on some of the labwork. How cool is that? Almost as cool as my tag in the shape of Texas, right?

vaccinationtag

Today mom’s going to a pool party with her friend Miho. Mom says Miho’s awesome, because she can wear stilletos and strike poses like this.

miho

Whereas, if mom tried to pose like Miho while wearing stilettos, this would probably happen.

stilleto fail

Earlier this week, Miho and mom went to see a pre-screening of Expendables 3 at the Alamo Drafthouse. Afterward, Miho got to talk to Glen Powell.

miho and glen

Note: She’s still wearing the stilettos and hasn’t taken one spill.

Mom thought the beer-chugging contest before the movie and the Q&A at the end with Glen Powell were way better than the actual movie, but the tix were free and the eats were good, so mom isn’t really complaining. Mom says she can have fun doing just about anything, even Tough Guy Cinema. It’s just a matter of perspective.

And last night, mom talked to a friend of hers in St. Louis to see how he was doing. He’s related to Mike Brown, so he’s going through a pretty rough patch. He says it’s still pretty crazy out there, and he hopes things calm down soon. Mom lit a candle for him and his family last night and thought of the lotus blossom and how something beautiful can emerge from the depths of mud and murk. May this be the case with this week as well.

Blessings of peace and love to Mike Brown, Robin Williams, their families and loved ones, and all affected by this week’s events…May you be happy. May you be free…

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Two More Sleeps

Oh hai.

I hope your Thor’s day is going well.

Mine’s been great. No storms all week.

It has been super hot here, though. Triple digits today in Texas.

Mom and I are doing lots of indoor stuff this week.

I made some really cool stuff for you, like this.

Good Fortune Cat, Abstract

Good Fortune Cat, Abstract

And this.

Cow Sleeping Beneath Stars

Cow Sleeping Beneath Stars

And this.

Cat with Toys

Cat with Toys

We’ve also started watching Haven on Netflix.

tvspot

Auntie says my cousin Molly likes to watch TV, too. They’ve been watching a lot of soccer in their house these days.

worldcupmol

And I’m happy to report my kitty grass is just about right.

nomnomnom...

nomnomnom…

Mom also got me some new crunchies. She says I get to try it out on Caturday, which is when I should run out of my other food.

newchow

I’m showing my gratitude by holding mouse duty. We think there’s a mouse in the wall, so I spend most of my time here.

mouseduty

And guess what? Only two more sleeps ’til Caturday!

Until then, we have this…

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An Eventful Week

Oh hai, and happy post-Caturday to you.

I’m out on the catio chillaxing, so mom’s driving today.

chillaxinonthecatio

Not to worry. Mom’s checking in on me, to make sure she gets all the details right.

The reason I’m needing extra catio time today is because I had an eventful Caturday and week in general.

It all started when Mom and auntie removed a big clump of matted fur that was hiding under my collar with some of auntie’s blunt sewing scissors on Wednesday.

Mom kept telling auntie, while she was trying to cut the fur that was clinging desperately to my throat, “Oh my God. Do you feel that? It’s all tangled up here, right on his throat. Oh, I hope I don’t hurt him.”

In case you’re wondering, this didn’t help matters. At all.

Toddler-tantrum

Eventually, auntie took over. She’s more experienced with sewing scissors and had a better angle, so no one got hurt.

They got most of it and decided my vet should just shave the nubs that mom and auntie left.

Mom upgraded my brush collection yesterday on Amazon, and is letting me run around without my collar until she gets this whole grooming situation figured out.

This is what we currently use.

brushes

And this is what we’re getting, based on Mama J’s recommends, so mom can prevent scaring the bejeezus out of me in the future.

safari combundercoat rake

Mom also washed all my binkies, so I was without binky for several hours on Caturday, which was rough, to say the least.

leopard throw

Even the Sad Face Didn’t Work

And then there’s the issue of the baby kitty grass, not quite juicy enough to eat. Mom grows it for me every six weeks or so. I have to do without my stash for an entire week while waiting for the new crop to come in. In case you’re wondering, it’s super hard whenever that happens.

inferior kitty grass

I want to eat this, but it’s not ready yet, so all I can do is stare at it until it fills out some more.

We also had to do dishes on Friday. I helped mom put them away yesterday.

dishes

And mom’s been getting fake Presidential alerts from her friend Matt, who’s giving her a hard time about Friday’s post, because he’s impish like that. It could also be because he kinda has a free pass, since he’s the one who taught her how to put her phone on silent in the first place and, recently, how to bypass Presidential alerts and still be assured your alarm will go off the next morning.

ninjakitty

Mom and Matt said I could share their early morning satire fest with you.

Matt (4 a.m.): My fellow Americans, this is an emergency text from President Obama, reminding you that J.D. is super adorable.

Me (4:02 a.m.): Mr. President, thank you for noticing my cat’s adorableness. In the future, however, please adhere to the 10 to 10 rule. I was up this time, so I’ll let this infraction slide. PS: Stop taking selfies when you’re out with Michelle. That’s almost as bad as controlling the alert settings in my phone.

Matt (7:02 a.m.): Ms. Ceres, as President, you know these messages are sent only to alert the public of things of national importance, like your cat’s adorableness and reminding you of the latest buzzword. Shamzazzle! PS: As First Lady, Michelle is expected to make for certain allowances in the public eye.

Me (7:03 a.m.): Mr. President, this is a blatant abuse of power and disregard for your wife’s well-being. If you were allowed a third term, I would vote for the opposing candidate out of spite.

Matt (9:12 a.m.): Ms. Ceres, there’s no need to resort to insults. Let’s keep it clean.

Me (9:13 a.m.): Mr. President, Get over yourself.

As you can see, with all this going on, I barely had time to make anything for you this morning, but I did manage this.

BabyRhinoLosesPartyHatWhileChasingPoacher

Baby Rhino Loses Party Hat while Chasing Poacher

In closing, mom says the 10 to 10 rule doesn’t really affect her, so you needn’t send her fake Presidential alerts at all hours, because she silences her phone at night and knows how to bypass the Presidential alerts now, fake or otherwise.

You’re welcome.